Happy be-lated Father’s Day, dad! You taught me everything I know about getting a shitty fake ID in college.
And life and all that other stuff.
Thanks to Chris “Shockwave” Sullivan for helping me do this extremely weird intro for CH Live. If you enjoy half-assed standup, spoken word poetry or white men rapping about their sweating problems, I’m sure you’ll enjoy this.
#Streezus
#1. This is the funniest shit ever.
#2. I’ll repeat my stance that anti-immigration Americans are like former waiters who don’t tip.
Also, if you know even the slightest bit about history you’ll know that there really is no such thing as a native population. Even in America, the natives were constantly on the move and taking over each others territory. People shuffle around. That’s our thing.
The loudest proponents of nativism (that is, white nativism) in America have been the descendants of early English settlers. They rallied to keep the Irish out in the 19th century and even formed a political party for that express purpose (the Know Nothing Party). And based on the above idiot’s last name, he’s probably among them (or he’s the descendant of a French orphan). Let’s assume he’s from the English line of Kings and explore what being a WASP actually means.
The Anglo-Saxons that so many early Americans came from weren’t British at all. They were English. Aren’t those the same thing? No. At least not historically.
The Britons were a Celtic people who lived in Britain before the Romans showed up in 43 AD. The Romans squatted on the island for a few hundred years, mixing blood with the natives, before heading out in 430 AD. After the Romans left there was chaos and that chaos presented a perfect opportunity for waves of Germanic tribes to invade and settle on the Island. The legendary, probably imaginary, Briton King Arthur is said to have battled these Germanic invaders. And he must have won since the people living in England now are British, right?
Wrong.
He lost (if he ever existed) because two of those Germanic tribes who invaded and stayed were the Angles and the Saxons. The AS in WASP refers to these very un-British tribes. The Angles, Saxons and other Germanic tribes pushed the native Britons to the West and set up a bunch of Kingdoms that would one day form England (Angle-Land).
Then, a few hundred years after that some Danish invaders landed and created the Danelaw, a huge chunk of the country that was under the rule of the Danish invaders. That lasted until 1066 AD when William the Conquerer, a French Norman, invaded and took control. The Normans were the ones who built all those big stone castles we think of as English and pulled off the last successful invasion of England.
They did not continue to rule the island forever, though. The current Royal Family, the Windsors, are ethnically German and were knows as the Saxe-Coburg and Gotha Family until World War I when they changed the name to Windsor because of anti-German sentiment.
By the way, the Normans weren’t originally from Normandy in France. They were descended from Norwegian Vikings who raided French lands in the 10th century and were given Normandy as party of a peace treaty between the Viking leader Rollo and the French king Charles III.
So WASPs, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think you’re as ethnically pure as you assume. Chances are you’re some mix of Celtic Briton, Gaulish Roman, German, Danish, Norwegian and French.
But hey, you’re pretty great, right? And since all of those cultures and people had to mix to produce something as marvelous as you, maybe you should be a little more open-minded about immigration.
And if you’re not sold on immigration yet, here is a list of notable Americans descended from immigrants.
- Everyone
The CH Live Show is tonight and the performance is sold out, but there will be a stand-by line at the venue because we all know people are terrified of the rain. We have a huge show tonight with a very special surprise guest so you won’t want to miss it.
Host Streeter Seidell will be joined by Jake and Amir with:
Adam Conover, Jamie Lee and Mark Normand
Hope to see you all there!
I know I always say this, BUT if there’s one CH Live show worth waiting on the standby line for (and don’t worry, you’ll get in) this is it. Great lineup, plus a few special guests I’m really excited about.
(Source: newyork.ucbtheatre.com)
Marina, I sent you a LinkedIn request.
Lunch time.
It was worth it
My favorite building in New York City will now show my favorite kind of movie!
The final shot of our coming of age summer camp movie where we’ve all learned something about ourselves and each other and hahaha no I’m just kidding its 6 hours into GovBall.
Game Of Thrones Season 3 Recap: So, That Happened
Game of Thrones Season 3! Holy crap! It delivered pretty much everything we could’ve wanted in a third season, even for a series that already set the bar super-high. Here’s an in-depth recap of Season 3.
Dan Hopper’s GoT Season 3 recap is great!
CH Live June 13th!
We’re performing at this month’s CollegeHumor Live! Make a reservation and come hang out!
Jake and Amir, Streeter, Adam Conover and much more. Come grab a drink with us and enjoy the show. Tickets available here for free.
