February 2006
14 posts
Pervert of the Day
At dinner with Sam Reich, he let this gem out.
Sam: “You know what the best part about sleeping with twenty-six-year olds is?” Me: “No, what?” Sam: “There are twenty of them” Me: “Wait…what?” Sam: “Think about it…” Me: “…” Sam: “You’ll get it, just give it a minute.” Me: “OH…oh,...
January 2006
40 posts
Jamie Lee Curtis at the SAG Awards
The fun continues at the SAG Awards with Jamie Lee Curtis and her famous ‘trip-on-the-stairs’ move.
Perhaps even funnier than the JLC tripping was when she regained her balance and paused for a second with her hands in front of her, perfectly mimicking the statue behind her.
Thanks for the laughs Hollywood.
LOST at the SAG Awards
It’s always nice when the cast of a show are friends in real life. However, from time to time those friendships grow into unrequited public lust. Just take Dominic Monaghan and Naveen Andrews who locked lips in this steamy embrace which I caught with my trusty digital camera.
God, the suspense is killing me…
MONEY SHOT!
Please, everyone state your theories now. Is the stress of...
Worst...Investment...Ever
This would be the kind of purchase that you instantly regret; like buying a parrot or ordering anything at TGI Fridays. I can just some misguided Dad buying this stupid thing, thinking his kids will worship him. Poor bastard.
“Kids, come see what your Dad brought home today.”
“Is it a puppy?”
“No, keep guessing.”
“Is it a new bike?”...
Only In New York...
I often fantasize about having a really crappy three-camera sitcom on NBC or ABC. I haven’t exactly figured out the plot yet but I do know it will probably involve me, a few buddies and New York City. It’s going to be called ‘Only In New York’ and every epsiode will end the same way: something wacky happens and I throw up my hands, look into the camera with belwildered...
Check This Out
My friend and yours, Pete Holmes, wrote the latest CollegeHumor Weekend Feature. If any of you don’t know, the Weekend Feature is something Amir and I designed to give the site more of an editorial voice and also to spread our fame like your date’s legs on prom night. Anyway, Pete’s update is LOL-rific and, as an added bonus, it comes with some poorly composed photographs from...
CollegeHumor Welcomes Its First Fem
Hey, we’re not a bunch of sexist assholes anymore. Welcome, Sarah! View this clip on Vimeo
Thanks to Jake for the video
Astounding
Last night on the radio show my roommie Gillian works at Paul Scheer was a guest. He had emailed me a new bio for his CollegeHumor writer page and, as I opened his email up, Jake (the show’s host) came on and said “Paul Scheer is with us on the phone tonight.” Strange, no? I responded to Paul’s email telling him that I had opened it right as Jake had introduced him on...
My Loves: SNL and Chuck Norris
Seeing as how my personal and professional career lately has seemed to revolve around SNL’s digital shorts and Chuck Norris, I was pleasantly surprised to see them finally come together. VIDEO RIGHT HERE
Tele-typo #2
Well, here we go again. Seriously, do the people who work at “Intervention” add this stuff at the last minute? I’m starting to feel like this happens evey time I watch. Thanks to Gill for looking out
The Busiest Day Ever
I think yesterday may have been the busiest day of my life and since I’m such a self-indulgent whiner, I’m going to map it out.
6:45 - Wake up, shower, fall asleep on toilet, wake up again.
8:45 - Go to work, sit down with Ricky and finish editing the CollegeHumor Guide to College.
10:00 - Went over to Penguin Books to discuss the 150 or so errors we found. Took final glance at...
Interesting Question
I was just thinking, do people in Europe have iPods? I’ve never seen a picture of a euro rolling around with one nor have I ever seen an iPod advertisment (‘advert’ in British English) in another language. Anyone have an answer?
Holy...
Shit…
New Hate List
Hi Everyone, I have a new edition of The Famous Hate List (33rd) out over at CollegeHumor. Here’s a little bit.
Crab Walkers – The sidewalk is a crowded place and I don’t have time for your side-stepping shenanigans. This isn’t a fucking country line dance, you fat shit, so stop swerving back and forth like a drunk redneck. When you walk down the street pick a goddamned line...
Teletypo
Good job, “Intervention,” I did’t see that one coming.
Verizon Wireless Is Like A Pushy Prom Date
It seems that when you write a text message on a Verizon phone they give you the option to add a signature. You can either make a custom one or you can choose the “My VCard” selection. I tried to use it but the phone informed me that I haven’t had that option since 1998. God, I feel cheap.
Shirt #3
Two in one day!? Crazy, I know, but true. This time, it’s all about Chuck Norris.
T-Shirt #2
My second T-Shirt was released today on BustedTees, worn by Amir. If you don’t know, a Shiksa is slang for a non-Jewish girl who a Jewish boy will date to - ahem - sow his oats. The idea sprang from a suggestion by my friend, Neal, who thought of the never-made “Thank G-d for Shiksas.” For those of you who find this offensive, I give you this fact: Jewish boys have to learn...
Another Odd Search
Yet another strange search that ended here…
The real mystery of course is why would anyone want pictures of that?
Getting Sick
I hate getting sick and yet I’m so good at it. I spent my entire sophomore year of college - let me repeat that, entire sophomore year - with a sinus infection. My roommates took to calling me ‘The Host’ for my amazing ability to harbor up to fourteen separate illnesses in my body at once. My life spent in a hazy shift from NyQuil to DayQuil and back again. I expelled an...
URGENT UPDATE
Urgent! Urgent! Urgent!
The maple syrup smell that has been plaguing new Yorkers for the past few months is apparently back. I’m at work in Tribeca but my roommate reports that the smell has permeated our building way downtown.
Theories I’ve overheard so far: -It’s the government testing how quickly a lethal gas could spread through Manhattan.
-It’s a chemical refinery...
Come Work With Me
So, being that the a new year has begun it is once again time to start the spring intern search. If you or anyone you know would like to be a CollegeHumor intern then read THIS.
I promise we’re not mean and there is only a small, small amount of ritualistic hazing before you’re inducted into the brotherhood…I mean company; inducted into the company. Apply today!
Oh That...That's Nothing
For the crooked politician on the go!
What will they think of next, a dead hooker and old coke habit evidence-destroying truck?
Coming Attractions
Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari - the men behind “Shutterbugs” - are set to release “Illusionators” soon. Check out the teaser HERE.
Via TheApiary
T9WTF?
Texting has become a problem for me. It’s so easy and widespread that when someone actually calls to have a mouth-conversation I often don’t answer. And being that I have become so proficient at texting and love to share knowledge, I want to point out a few fun things about everyone’s favorite typing mode, T9Word.
T9Word will spell the following words as the first selection:...
Impressions
Back in high school one of my teachers showed us a few pictures of post-atomic bomb Hiroshima. In one of the picture you can see the outline of a man burned into the sidewalk. To emphasize the gruesomeness of the picture I distinctly remember my teacher saying, “the bomb was so powerful it burned this man’s shadow onto concrete.” How pleasant, I thought.
Now, today I was...
From the Mouths of Babes
I did an interview with Jenna Dewan - dancer, actress, blah blah blah - for CollegeHumor. However, unlike my previous interviews, this one has an angle: Jenna attended the same elementary school as CH bossman, Josh Abramson. If you care, give it a read. If you don’t, read it anyway and look at my amazing photoshop skills.
Interview with Jenna Dewan
Whoa
After watching “MTV True Life: I’m Moving to New York City,” last night I started thinking about my first move to New York. It was such a stressful time: finding a job, making new friends and finding an apartment. Well, the good people over at Curbed pointed me towards this once-in-a-lifetime deal for any new New Yorkers looking for a place to crash. It’s the apartment...
Amir's Got The Scoop
The book has arrived…kinda.
Meet My Roommate
Let’s take a minute from our busy schedule of waiting for “The Office” to come on to meet my roommie, Ms. Gillian Pensavalle, and learn a little bit about her thrilling life.
Gillian and I attended Fordham University together and now live in lower Manhattan. While I’m at work, Gillian sleeps, stares at my hamster and doesn’t throw away her pizza boxes. However,...
Maybe Too Much?
Now, I’m not going to say I wasn’t a little swept up in the magic, but I think this might be going too far.
How I Became So Uselessly Brilliant
In you’ve read this blog for more than a day you know about my Fun With History Posts. I have a deep, nerdy love for history and I hope that some of you share that with me. Today Amir asked me where I gather the completely useless information I put forth as my own. Well, I might as well share it with you: books (and yes, a little Wikipedia from time to time). But which books, you ask? ...
Sarah Explains It All
While bitching about my weight like a chubby fourteen-year-old girl my friend Sarah pointed me to towards another way of looking at it.
Sarah: aww street Sarah: yo’ure not fat! Sarah: you’re tall and overcompensating
Good Point, Sarah! Somebody get this guy another bacon-mayo smoothie!
Comedy Does A Body Good
From Perez, via Vanity Fair.
Lohan said she suffered from the eating disorder bulimia as recently as last May, forcing herself to throw up and turning a frightening skin-and-bones in the process.
“I was making myself sick,” she said, and after a turn hosting Saturday Night Live, the show’s executive producer, Lorne Michaels, staged an intervention.
“I just started...
Breaking News
EXTRA, EXTRA!!! Shocking news out of Maryland today.
More Fun With History
Let’s get our learn on!
Everyone knows that Alexander Hamilton - the man who graces our $10 bill - was shot to death in a duel with Aaron Burr, but did you know that the two men had to take a ferry across the Hudson River because deuling was illegal in Manhattan? Also, at that point in history, duels were a formality and very, very rarely resulted in a death or even injury; it was more...
Smoothies!
Look at how big Amir’s jacket is! And those hands! View this clip on Vimeo
Thanks to David for filming.
New CollegeHumor Column
I have a new column up on CollegeHumor. Here’s a little bit.
Baby, you’re so good to me and I don’t think I thank you enough for it. Like - for Christmas - when you made me that card and got me that coupon book from CVS; that’s so much more thoughtful than just going to the store and buying me an iPod case like I asked for or paying back the $735 I lent you to bail your...
Retro-Net
Anyone who has ever seen a Strokes video, bought a vintage T-Shirt or been David Lee Roth knows that retro is the rage. Cool people spend hundreds of dollars trying to obtain the same style any dude - or should I say radical dude - from the eighties bought for five bucks.
But the retro trend goes further than fashion: music, movies, even TV are all trying to capture the nostalgia - SNL is so...
K-Fed, D-Cho?
Everybody at Connected Ventures knows that if you have a style question, you direct it at David Cho: the man, the myth, the Asian who runs BustedTees.
Well, David should be proud today because I found out that he and a certain semi-celebrity deadbeat dad share the same taste in hightop, unlaced sneakers. Congratualtions David, you’ll have kids all over town before you know it!
David K-Fed...