May 2008
22 posts
American Apparel
I went shopping today for all new clothes and one of my stops was at American Apparel. Now, I’m a pretty big dude and the stuff there isn’t exactly made for larger ladies or gentlemen. In short, I knew most of what I tried on there was going to look terrible on me and, lo and behold, it did. That’s when it hit me. That’s when I realized the difference between American...
April 2008
31 posts
An Ode To An Unknowing Samaritan
Where is a Starbucks? Have you seen a cafe? How am I without Internet today? What a terrible feeling! So helpless, so lost. I’ll do what I must No matter the cost. I click on my airport And what do I see? A long list of names, none familiar to me. I see strings of letters, And cute little names. A dozen proud owners Staking their claims. “Don’s wifi” ones says...
Watchamandalynferri: Streeter has zero regrets.
A Great Revelation
Drunk people are a lot like dogs: they’re loud, excitable, aggresive, horny, frequently urinate on things and often need to spend the night in a cage.
What Did Alexander The Great look Like? →
Good God, this is weird/creepy/funny. I was looking for verification that Roman soldiers shook hands by grabbing each others forearms when I found myself at this site. So creepy. The Roman/Greek army enthusiast is my new favorite kind of nerd.
BustedTees Sale
It’s the big Midnight Madness sale over at BustedTees. Every shirt is $12, including this one that we made right before Obama actually said those words.
Complaint #200
whitewhine: Here they are, my favorite whines of the past 199 posts. I want to thank everyone who has been submitting whines and visiting the site every day. It’s really a joy to run. Now where’s my f*cking book deal? Complaint #7 “I just haven’t seen any movie worth watching since ‘The Squid and the Whale.’” - Whine by Me Complaint #50 “What the fu…...
The Dinosaur Soothsayer
Nostrasaurus: I see terrible things in your future.
Dinosaur: What?! Tell me!
Nostrasaurus: I see your skeleton assembled in a large room. There are little creatures - humans, they're called - and they're interested in your skeleton. They're all looking at it and talking about it.
Dinosaur: That's horrible! What kind of beasts would do such a thing?! It is one thing to kill for food, but to kill just to stare upon the bones of the victim? That's brutality!
Nostrasaurus: Oh no, they have not killed you. But they've found your bones buried deep in the ground, extracted them and put them on display for their whole species to observe.
Dinosaur: This...this is terrible news. Is there a way I can kill them first so I might avoid this horrible future?
Nostrasaurus: No. I'm afraid not.
Dinosaur: I...I don't know what to say. I feel so...so helpless.
Nostrasaurus: Wait...I'm getting something...oh...OH! A vision!
Dinosaur: What is it? Will I have my revenge on these creatures?
Nostrasaurus: YES! Because of us - all of us, from the smallest creature in the sea to the largest beasts on the land - they will bring untold harm upon themselves!
Dinosaur: Tell me more!
Nostrasaurus: They will kill each other over us! We will be the cause of their wars and the root of their deepest problems. We will plague them, we will destroy their world and their bodies but they will not be able to purge themselves of our influence.
Dinosaur: This is wonderful news! What must we do?
Nostrasaurus: We must die. Then we must sink into the ground, experience untold eons of heat and pressure before turning into a flammable, black liquid.
Dinosaur: ...Oh. So the dying is part of it?
Nostrasaurus: Yup.
Dinosaur: Huh. Well, as long they won't put my bones on display.
Nostrasaurus: No, they're still going to do that.
Dinosaur: Oh...so we still have to die, then they'll kill each other and they'll still put our bones on display?
Nostrasaurus: Correct.
Dinosaur: Doesn't seem to be an upside, huh?
Nostrasaurus: I guess not.
...
Dinosaur: I wish I had bigger arms.
Nostrasaurus: I KNOW, right?!
Coverbox.Muxtape.com →
Stumbled upon this muxtape and had a great time listening to all the covers (which are my favorite sub-genre of music, BTW). The Chipmunks one is particularly entertaining.
I wrote an article →
I wrote this about editing a time-wasting website for the Times. If you don’t feel like reading it, I can sum it up for you. Basically, I discuss how strange my job is and how a lot of it is based on guessing what will be popular. As much as I would like to believe the work of populating a website with content is more than a glorified guessing game, it is not. Anyone who claims to have a...
Regarding the post below
I don’t like to call people out on stealing stuff because 1) I feel bad about it and 2) there’s always a chance the person just assumed it came from the Internet. However, I’ve been emailed at least ten times by people saying they saw this guy’s uncredited post of my article and when I saw the 6 pages of positive comments on its Stumbleupon page I felt I should say...
Is it so hard to let people know you didn't write...
Computer: Monitor, display this document, O.K.?
Monitor: No prob, boss.
Computer: O.K., now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?
Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.
Computer: Great, great. O.K., Mouse, where are you going now?
Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.
Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, O.K.?
Mouse: Of course.
Keyboard: Sir, he’s pressed control and P simultaneously.
Monitor: Oh God, here we go.
Computer: (Sighs) Printer, are you there?
Printer: No.
Computer: Please, Printer. I know you’re there.
Printer: NO! I’m not here! Leave me alone!
Computer: Jesus. O.K. look, you really ne…
Mouse: Sir, he’s clicked on the printer icon.
Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.
Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don’t want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I’m turning off!
Computer: Printer, you know you can’t turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we’ll leave you alone.
Printer: NO! That’s what you always say! I hate you! I’m out of ink!
Computer: You’re not out of in…
Printer: I’M OUT OF INK!
Computer: (Sighs) Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.
Monitor: But sir, he has plen…
Computer: Just do it, damn it!
Monitor: Yes sir.
Keyboard: AHHH! He’s hitting me!
Computer: Stay calm, he’ll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.
Keyboard: He’s pressing everything. I don’t know, he’s just pressing everything!
Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you’ve done?!
Printer: HA! that’s what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he…hey…HEY! He’s trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He’s torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please, please help me!
Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?
Computer: No. He did this to himself.
Youngme, Nowme - Zefrank →
“You’re not bad looking for an assassin. Go blow em away, big boy!”
– Crazy health-conscious homeless woman in Union Sqaure, who was asking everyone for food, but then turning most of it down because she would only eat “fruits and salads flown in from all over the world.” Apparently, I make a decent looking assassin, too.
NakedWorldRecords (Nudity, Obviously) →
Have you ever wondered what the record for most tennis balls held by a nude person is or how many women were involved in the world’s largest mass breast feeding? (39 and 3,738, respectively) This website will help you find the answer! This is up there with PopThatZit.com in terms of my favorite web finds.
Watch Fuse Tonight At 6
Why? Because I’ll be on it at some point during that hour, talking about funny internet videos. I’ve never done live TV before so, of course, I’m nervous…and then I saw who the other guest is this evening. None other than Gabby Reece. According to the show’s website, “She is going to whip our butts into shape.” Now I’m nervous about 1) messing...
WatchShawn made this video featuring my dog, Charlie, and my dawg, Sharon. And by ‘dawg,’ I mean ‘girlfriend.’ Well done, Shawn!
SubwayCrush.com →
I totally had this idea a while back after seeing a girl I thought was pretty while riding the train. I have a girlfriend so I wasn’t going to act on it but it did strike me as strange that there was no forum out there to communicate mass transit crushes besides the mess that is Craigslist missed connections. This was pre-Moberg, too. Anyway, I wanted to buy a domain for it in case I...
Watchsamreich: Rock Band Traffic. Streeter had this idea, and we gave it to our visual effects team, Ghostlight, to create. It isn’t funny, but my god is it cool. Park Ave was my muse for this particular idea. I was working late one evening a few months back and was staring out of the window instead of working. I’m lucky enough to have a virtually unobstructed view up park ave for about 30...
BustedPosters.com? Yup! →
It’s been a long time coming and it’s finally here! I’m going to order a ‘Never Forget’ and a ‘Periodic Table of Vulgarity.‘ I would get a Viva La Evolucion, but I have the original.
Big Things, People! Big Things.
Hardly Working: Phone Fight - Lots of fun to shoot, even though I “look like (I) have the flu” according to one commenter. My Printer article got posted on LaughLines. Normally my stuff on LaughLines gets a lot of negative comments from the Times’ older readers, but I think they might like this one since it speaks to a problem I’m sure a lot of them have suffered...
Internal Debate →
I like this article I wrote. Do you? I think this could make a funny little video.
WatchMan, Kristen Wiig is fantastic. She absolutely owns everything she’s in.
The One Day Warrior
This morning I was in a great mood. I had woken up at 5:40 and gone to the gym with Kunal. We worked out for about an hour and half, during which he mentioned that he was going to bike to work a little later. Would I like to go, he asked. I thought about it and, seeing as how the bike I bought a few months ago hasn’t seen much road action, decided to give it a shot. I had never biked...
Taxicab Confession
A few months ago there was a taxi strike in New York because the New York Taxi Workers Alliance was angered by a plan to install GPS and pay-by-credit-card machines in their cabs. To pay for the advanced technology cab fares were hiked 26% in 2004. The cabbies’ main complaints were 1) installing GPS was intrusive and 2) they were losing money on the 5% processing fee the credit card...
History's My Hobby - Get Your Own →
My latest on LaughLines, about history becoming the flavor of the week. Enjoy. Or not. It’s really up to you.
Anybody care to weigh in?
Sometimes people email me with strange requests… Streeter I got a problem’s and nothings worked so I thought I’d ask you wat to do cuz maybe you’ve been here before or atleast u can give some kinda of humorous insight on the situation. Theres a girl we hang out with. She’s a decent girl a tad chesty and the whole deal not prude. It seems perfect. But alas, she has a...